East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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