he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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