considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
