My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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