Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
