Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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