How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
