saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
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