chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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