I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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