Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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