So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
