I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
