I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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