I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I smell like Dick and happiness
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