Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
