Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
