Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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