Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
