Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
