I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Green mimosas i think yes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
