some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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