What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
