I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
