ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
