his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
