I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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