Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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