I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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