did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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