I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We left the knife in your bed.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize