My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
