i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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