I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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