Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
