I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
