you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
