I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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