Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
