I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
