I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
do nipples grow back?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
