I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
