He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Found the puke drawer
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
