What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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