why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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