everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
