I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He passed out mid-signature
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
