he wants to bone in the snuggie
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
where does the pee come out of this thing
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
