I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
