ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All I want is dick and wine.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
