Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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