I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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