How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
