if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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