she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
