mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Randomize
