It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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