just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
