I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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