Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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