Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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