that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
