pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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