I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
