Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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