stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
