Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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