the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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