its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
