his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
