i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize