I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
