She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
