ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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