I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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