That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
