Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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