Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
