yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
