When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
