It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
