Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
