Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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