Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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