I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
