So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
