People in love make me want to vomit
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
