you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
