I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
