I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
