I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
