He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dicks are not precious.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
