Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
