I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
