u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
