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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Five things that make you perfect. Go.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.

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• (916): View more from California

  We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.

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• (949): View more from California

  you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need a shit load of segways right now

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• (914): View more from New York

  Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.

  (917): View more from New York City

  So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  How’d it go?

  (915): View more from Texas

  I accidentally joined a cult

  (254): View more from Texas

  So not great...

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis

  (317): View more from Indiana

  preferably one with a six figure job and a boat

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