alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
God, I missed his penis.
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