i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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