i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
