you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
