my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
